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Tribute to My Husband- sneak peak into our story

The school semester had just ended, it was exciting for me. I was looking forward to my scheduled trip to Abuja, I was super pumped and not ready to waste a single day. I will be meeting this hottie I was head over heels in love with. Or so I thought.

Tade (not real name) had moved to Abuja. We were supposed to meet there. He was one of those people you loved but hated at the same time. I ‘loved’ him for his good looks, his intelligence and his heart. But I hated him for the games he seemed so intent on playing with me, with my heart. It felt cruel. Love should be easy, deep down I knew that. But I was so broken a person, I was ready to SETTLE with the semblance of love.

I had moved out of the university’s hostels to a friend’s. Three of us girls were supposed to spend some time together before going our separate ways for the long holidays. They had pleaded with me to stay a while with them, but I ‘swore’ nothing and no one was stopping me from embarking on this trip the next day to see Tade.

The Meet…

Tribute to my husband, sneak peek into our story
Ope and Tola: Everyone needs an Ope Walker in their corner

My friend- Ope Walker (as we called her then) had invited some friends over. Everyone needs a friend like Ope Walker! Two stood out- first guy talked- alot! But he was funny. Second guy was tall and skinny, with an afro. He barely spoke, but when he did, it was passionate.

One of them had eyes that was indeed a window to his soul. What was mirrored to me from his soul was nothing short of love and life.

That night, we played games, laughed, talked, argued. Nothing beats the joy of no cares of exams, tests and assignments in the life of a student. One game in particular was truth or dare. During a round of truth, one of guys asked if I was in a relationship- I stuttered, unsure if I was in a relationship or not. The boys had such good time, they asked for us to do it again the next day. But I was to travel to the next day. Tade would be waiting.

The talking guy was very confident they would see me the next day. He said to skinny guy- “give her a hug”. It felt good, he felt safe. I woke up the next day, ready to travel. By evening, it was nice to see the guys again. I actually looked forward to it. Someone did make me not travel to see Tade, it was a big deal.

Tribute to my husband- sneak peek into our story
He was there the night we met, he was there the day we got married. Abidemi we love you.

Couple Years Later and Onward…

Skinny guy and I got married. I wish I could tell you it was a fairy tale. Our daughter was seven months old. We made mistakes, but God was merciful. The experiences are packed with many life’s lessons., some day we would share. My greatest takeaway is this- NEVER TAKE BROKENNESS INTO A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP. If you must, have an accountability and support system. Your broken pieces left unchecked, starts to prick, stab and hurt the other person. He was lost, but I was lost and broken.

A sneak peek into our lives
You also need a friend like Mojisola (Mary) Job in your corner

We have always heard “two are better than one…a three fold cord cannot be easily broken”. The third is God, but when He is not put first, things tend to go south, we were plummeting! Individually we sought God for our home. There was the Word to get in, we needed the Word for staying power.

Considering what I heard, it felt like God was not fair. No man can put broken pieces of another together- only God can. But He won’t come down from heaven, He would use a MAN- a man willing to be used by Him. That man in my life was Adetola Adefuye.

Today

It’s his birthday. From that first night when we met, I have been privileged to spend and celebrate twelve (12) birthdays with him. We often leave tributes till when people are dead. Today I choose to pay homage to my husband. The man who has stood by me through thick and thin. Seen me at my worst, yet still stands.

Tribute to my husband
Happy Birthday Adetola Mi

Never underestimate quiet people, they carry a certain strength the rest of us burn up by being hyper. My prayer and promise to God is to be this:

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land

Proverbs 31: 11-12;23

One thing is sure- today a great man was born. Today that man is being celebrated. LoudSilences may never have been born if he was not instrumental in helping me find my voice. He was the first man to hear the full version of my life story, but was not fazed. His ears were the first to LISTEN. This gave me hope that perhaps, there were others who would listen too.

To everyone who has applauded the work I do, thank you. But turn it towards the real MVP- my husband. Join me in celebrating him on this special day. I am, because he lets me (hold your horses feminists, and get the context). We are, because God is.

Happy Birthday to my Boo of life. I pray every beautiful thing into your life.

This song captures my prayer for our home and every married person. Enjoy!

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Why you should know about the mental health spectrum

“Ignorance is bliss”. Ever heard that before? I bet you have. But is it really? Food for thought- for you, not me! Get thinking after reading this.

You ever heard of the mental health spectrum? If you have, give yourself a pat on the back, welcome to the elite club! If not, then now you get to know. Either ways, dare I ask if you know where you belong on that spectrum?

But knowing about it is not enough. Before I share the spectrum with you and why you need to care where you belong, let me share a quick story with you. You may also want to just scroll down, don’t, you will love the story, I promise.

Actually you know what? Read a different related story- remember the one I shared about “the the day I died”? There were some clear signs that my mental health was whack,. but no one saw it, I knew I felt weird and honestly depressed a lot, but didn’t know what to do about it or who to talk to, until I became suicidal, but for God.

Here is another thought, when you find yourself sneezing consistently, having a headache, feeling sore in your throat and nauseous, what would come to your mind? If you are a regular normal human, you probably start wondering if you are coming down with the flu, malaria, typhoid, etc. Do not self-medicate. Get your cute sick self to the doctor. These are SYMPTOMS that signal to our bodies that something is wrong and needs to be taken care of.

In the same way, there are symptoms that signal to you the NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.

I cannot begin to tell you how many people whose state of mental health are likely out of shape, but they are not even sure of how to put their feelings into words or know what steps to take. This is where the mental health spectrum/continuum comes in. Simply a chart you can use to measure your mental health.

Why you should know about the mental health spectrum- where are you on the continuum?
Source: Dr. Karim Dharssi

Now I get to ask you again, where are you on the spectrum? Not sure? Look at it again. If you are outside the green and yellow columns a lot, please seek help. There is NO SHAME! Everyone deserves to live life in the green.

As someone who was sexually abused from a young age, I lived more on the right side of the continuum for longest time in my life, without taking the matching action, hence why I got to the point of being suicidal.

But it does not have to be that way for you. There is no shame in admitting that you need to boost your mental health. If you have ever visited the doctor when you were physically sick, you owe it to yourself and loved ones to see a doctor for your mental health as well. This is why this spectrum is important- it shows you the symptoms that let you know if and when you need to rest, take a break, de-stress or seek professional help.

As an additional tip, parents, watch your children, if they start to exhibit some of non-green columns, something is UP, look into it, either as teens or little kids. I went from a super active child to being withdrawn at some point, but I doubt anyone noticed anything. Friends and families you have your role- pay close attention to your loved ones. Let us be indeed one another’s keepers.

How has this helped you see your mental health? I would love to know, share in the comments below. Like, share and subscribe.