The school semester had just ended, it was exciting for me. I was looking forward to my scheduled trip to Abuja, I was super pumped and not ready to waste a single day. I will be meeting this hottie I was head over heels in love with. Or so I thought.
Tade (not real name) had moved to Abuja. We were supposed to meet there. He was one of those people you loved but hated at the same time. I ‘loved’ him for his good looks, his intelligence and his heart. But I hated him for the games he seemed so intent on playing with me, with my heart. It felt cruel. Love should be easy, deep down I knew that. But I was so broken a person, I was ready to SETTLE with the semblance of love.
I had moved out of the university’s hostels to a friend’s. Three of us girls were supposed to spend some time together before going our separate ways for the long holidays. They had pleaded with me to stay a while with them, but I ‘swore’ nothing and no one was stopping me from embarking on this trip the next day to see Tade.
My friend- Ope Walker (as we called her then) had invited some friends over. Everyone needs a friend like Ope Walker! Two stood out- first guy talked- alot! But he was funny. Second guy was tall and skinny, with an afro. He barely spoke, but when he did, it was passionate.
One of them had eyes that was indeed a window to his soul. What was mirrored to me from his soul was nothing short of love and life.
That night, we played games, laughed, talked, argued. Nothing beats the joy of no cares of exams, tests and assignments in the life of a student. One game in particular was truth or dare. During a round of truth, one of guys asked if I was in a relationship- I stuttered, unsure if I was in a relationship or not. The boys had such good time, they asked for us to do it again the next day. But I was to travel to the next day. Tade would be waiting.
The talking guy was very confident they would see me the next day. He said to skinny guy- “give her a hug”. It felt good, he felt safe. I woke up the next day, ready to travel. By evening, it was nice to see the guys again. I actually looked forward to it. Someone did make me not travel to see Tade, it was a big deal.
Couple Years Later and Onward…
Skinny guy and I got married. I wish I could tell you it was a fairy tale. Our daughter was seven months old. We made mistakes, but God was merciful. The experiences are packed with many life’s lessons., some day we would share. My greatest takeaway is this- NEVER TAKE BROKENNESS INTO A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP. If you must, have an accountability and support system. Your broken pieces left unchecked, starts to prick, stab and hurt the other person. He was lost, but I was lost and broken.
We have always heard “two are better than one…a three fold cord cannot be easily broken”. The third is God, but when He is not put first, things tend to go south, we were plummeting! Individually we sought God for our home. There was the Word to get in, we needed the Word for staying power.
Considering what I heard, it felt like God was not fair. No man can put broken pieces of another together- only God can. But He won’t come down from heaven, He would use a MAN- a man willing to be used by Him. That man in my life was Adetola Adefuye.
It’s his birthday. From that first night when we met, I have been privileged to spend and celebrate twelve (12) birthdays with him. We often leave tributes till when people are dead. Today I choose to pay homage to my husband. The man who has stood by me through thick and thin. Seen me at my worst, yet still stands.
Never underestimate quiet people, they carry a certain strength the rest of us burn up by being hyper. My prayer and promise to God is to be this:
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the landProverbs 31: 11-12;23
One thing is sure- today a great man was born. Today that man is being celebrated. LoudSilences may never have been born if he was not instrumental in helping me find my voice. He was the first man to hear the full version of my life story, but was not fazed. His ears were the first to LISTEN. This gave me hope that perhaps, there were others who would listen too.
To everyone who has applauded the work I do, thank you. But turn it towards the real MVP- my husband. Join me in celebrating him on this special day. I am, because he lets me (hold your horses feminists, and get the context). We are, because God is.
Happy Birthday to my Boo of life. I pray every beautiful thing into your life.
This song captures my prayer for our home and every married person. Enjoy!