WHAT TO DO IF YOU FIND OUT YOUR CHILD IS ENGAGED IN PORNOGRAPHY AND MASTURBATION!

Did I hear you say God forbid! I say AMEN! But sadly, some kids are unfortunately trapped in porn and masturbation. Many of them are crying out to us for help. Maybe they came out to you on their own or perhaps you caught them in the act. What then do you do?

I know from experience many parents become terrified, others cannot even face their children once they know. Please, calm down, you child did not kill somebody, they are caught in a bad cycle which may very much likely not even be their fault. So then what do you do when you find out your child is trapped in pornography and masturbation?

Be rest assured, it is not a life sentence to being forever addicted, early intervention is KEY and in addition to early intervention, here are somethings you can do if you find out your child is engaging in pornography and masturbation.

Please do not take this post lightly. Research has shown that the average age for kids to get addicted to porn has rapidly dropped from 11years to 8years of age. This is alarming and has been made worse by rise in technological use, sadly from unsolicited content by these kids.

10 THINGS TO DO IF YOU FIND OUT YOUR CHILD IS ENGAGED IN PORNOGRAPHY AND MASTURBATION!

1. Check your anger: Truth is our first instinct is to blow up. And I get that. This was not the training you gave your child, nor the values you instilled in them, so I get it. But blowing up only takes away your chances to deal with the issue, help your child effectively and win them back to sanity.
   
2. Get to the roots: Seek to know how they got involved in the first place, learn as much as you can about what pushed them there, how deep they have gotten into it. This way you understand the roots of it and can tackle it there which will also inform the best form of approach to take.
   
3. Establish ground rules: of your expectations on how, starting with the obvious that they HAVE TO COME OUT OF THIS! And then HOW!. These days we seem to be afraid to set ground rules with kids. Whereas they look to us to actually do so. The problem is not so much about the rules, but how we go about setting and enforcing it. If you have teens, they’re collaborators not robots who just take down instructions.
   
4. Check in frequently with them: The frequency and how should be part of the agreements in #2. You could set parameters for check in days- did they have triggers? What was it? Did they have a loose moment? How did it happen and how can it be protected against next time? Truth be told, some kids may have this in the open at a time when it is not yet an addiction, others may already be addicted. If that is the case, then you want to treat it as such. With every addiction, there are accountability check-ins.
   
5. Weed out around them: Depending on what the root cause is, you may need to weed around your children. If need be, streamline their associations (not just friends. Look within and without their friendship circles, your home, etc). Sometimes the person/thing exposing our children to these evils are not necessarily technology but the people in their lives. And sadly, said people could be in our homes as uncles, aunties, cousins, etc… Get weeding!
   
6. Be accessible: Make yourself accessible to them. Honestly this shouting spirit in we African mum especially may God deliver us (myself included o🤣). Some of us our kids want us to help them but they are too afraid to open up. If you are always mad at their every little mistake, how can they come to you with bigger mistakes? For many whom got trapped into porn, the first was in error and then curiosity took over. But when they realize their ways, are we open for them to come confess to us and ask for help?
   
7. Use site blocking apps: There are porn site blocking and accountability apps such as Covenant eyes, install those on their devices and a devices at home for additional layer of accountability.
   
8. Model the way: You cannot be watching rotten shows that are tantamount to pornography and be asking them to stay off.
   
9. Teach them why these things are wrong: From a spiritual, physical, emotional, psychological, moral, social and brain power standpoint. They need to be able to understand and yes, it is sin, but what else can you give them to resonate with?
   
10. Pray, pray and pray!: Pray for them, pray with them. For those who are not trapped, pray for them that God will guide and protect their eyes. For those who have been engaging it already, pray for them, but also pray with them. It is a fight. Come alongside them and fight it! Teach them how to stand in prayer for themselves and do it for them as well. Our children will not be corrupted in Jesus Name!

Interestingly, this question popped up in church’s married women group prior to this post went live. Can I just take a moment to say I am proud of these women for daring to undo the culture of silence on this matter. I had to provide these points in the group and come to re-edit this post to tell everyone.

These are some of the ways we not only get ourselves out of these types of issues and protect out loved ones- by choosing to have the conversations no matter how difficult it might be. So special shout out to the RCCG PPP women group

Some kids will quickly realize they have an issue and seek help, others might take longer. A key deciding factor would be our historical relationship with them as parents and guardians (how we have treated precious issues and if they feel they can trust us). Yet others, we may never come out on their own- which is why we need to be watchful over our kids. However you get to find out, just be glad when you do and seek to restore your child’s innocence.

In our next post, we will talk about how people get roped into pornography and masturbation. This may help you realize all the more reason why you need to fight along side them than fight them when you find out.

What are your thoughts? What would you add to the list of things to do if one finds out their kids are engaged in pornography and masturbation?