What if I told you that you could be into pornography and masturbation without realizing it?
I know that sounds crazy!, but stay with me on this true story. It reminds me of how many people unknowingly fall into pornography and masturbation. Read and search yourself!
In my penultimate year in high school, or secondary school as we call it here, I shared a desk with a male seatmate. One day, I was working on some math and I heard him say, “this thing is bad.” He was holding out a phone, and he had on a slightly amused smile. I was curious, so I leaned closer to look at the phone screen.
For the first time, I saw two nude people having sex, and what I felt was revulsion. My seatmate was a ‘cool guy’ though, so I returned to my work without expressing my feelings. But in the days that passed, I found myself wanting to look at porn again. It started as an innocent wish; I only wanted to see what the nude couple were really doing.
Now that I think back on it, I see a pattern that plays out in many sexual harassment cases. The perpetrator exposes the victim (usually someone with a relatively innocent mind) to a quick glimpse of pornographic content—for example, a video or even their private parts.
Did you know that exposing people to pornographic content (without their consent) or showing them your privates is tantamount to sexual abuse?
Anita Adefuye
That quick glimpse has the power to incite an extreme level of curiosity, so much so that the victim feels the urge (without coercion!) to see more. My seatmate played a ‘smart’ card, and before long, I was asking him for porn. It seemed harmless, and I referred to the porn as “those videos.”
It didn’t seem innocent anymore when my seatmate started touching me under the desk without preamble – even while classes were going on. I struggled with him for a couple of days but eventually let him have his way. Then, he became nicer, and I liked him more.
If you worry your child might be addicted- read what to do if your child is engaging porn and masturbation
At that time, I was facing a lot of body shaming from my schoolmates. So whenever my seatmate touched me, I felt much better about myself. I didn’t get sexual pleasure from it; I just wanted to be touched because I took a boy’s touch to mean that I was not all that ugly and worthless.
When other boys tried to touch me, I didn’t resist if they were a bit cool, at least. It gave me a major confidence boost, and confidence was something I badly lacked. I didn’t care much about my seatmate anymore; I felt liberated.
Gradually, I developed an urge for sexual pleasure, but still, I never got real pleasure from a boy’s touch. I started having a form of mental masturbation where I would play out a wild sex scene between myself and a boy. And that gave me the utmost pleasure.
I would think of all the boys I once liked who had hurt me, and I would imagine them doing dirty things to me. The scenes in my mind were as graphic as a PG-18 Hollywood movie, and they sparked a kind of pleasure that wasn’t entirely sexual. It seemed like a combination of mental, sexual, and physical pleasure.
I imagine that the feeling is a bit similar to the pleasure a drug addict would get from a sniff of cocaine. I became so addicted that I constantly wanted to be alone to enjoy my fantasies to the fullest. But that didn’t deter me from doing it around people. In the kitchen, in classes, at home, and even in church.
I got to a point where I was so addicted to fantasizing that it became that happy thing I looked forward to every day. It was my stress relief and my therapy; I found myself constantly in need of the pleasure I got from fantasizing.
I wasn’t watching pornography or masturbating in the literal sense. But technically, that was what I was doing. I was stimulating my mind, body, and sensitive parts to feel pleasure through intense fantasies.
It is oh-so-easy to fall into this trap because our minds are under our control. But as you probably know, it is easy to form bad habits and difficult to get rid of them. Regaining my mind was a war that God helped me fight. Sometimes, I didn’t have enough will to carry on, and I would tell myself things like “Just a little more,” “One last time,” and so on.
I went slowly from having graphic fantasies to less intense fantasies to constant daydreams. What makes this form of pornography and masturbation so addictive is that all you have to do is imagine or look at someone a little longer than is polite.
Imagining yourself having intimate or sexual contact with someone or creating mental images of yourself being lusted after, you’re exposing yourself to pornography. The more you do that, the more pleasure you get. And that is the same as masturbation.
Many people have gone down this slippery slope without realizing it. It happens in the mind, but it boils down to the same thing: stimulating oneself and getting pleasure. Unfortunately, many more have also gone past that this type of mental sexual addiction.
If you are involved in this form of masturbation, you don’t have to feel burdened. No matter how badly you’ve fallen, you can regain your mind. I thought I was irredeemable, but God proved me wrong.
Getting close to God, listening to His Word, and building a relationship with Him can help you shift your focus. Relating with people who share similar goals of addiction recovery and engaging yourself in more activity can help shift your priorities.
Over 70% of teens addicted to pornography and masturbation said they first got exposed to porn ACCIDENTALLY and it sparked curiosity
baptistpress
Do you find yourself already addicted? Here are some things that can help:
- Admit you have a problem that needs intervention
- Open up to someone you trust that can help you
- Confess your sin before God (do not let the world lie to you, masturbation is perversion and sin to God)
- Desire to be free- be sincere with yourself- do you really desire freedom?
- Seek counselling and professional help. Pornography and masturbation is addictive, seek out professional addiction recovery help if needed.
- Guard your eyes, ears and mind. Pay attention to your thoughts. Quickly arrest and abort every unhealthy thoughts
- Know your triggers and stay away from them- be it movies, music or people. Stress is a big one too for people who use porn and masturbation as coping mechanisms.
- Stay accountable. Find a support group and apply yourself to the process.
- Forgive yourself and love yourself- truth is guilt and condemnation are driving forces that push people deeper into addiction
- Commit yourself wholly to God and His ways- He has the power and strength to help you. Some people have had testimonies of supernatural ability to stop. Others worked the process, wherever you end up, God’s grace is still at work!
Lots of people ‘stumbled’ on porn accidentally, the first time- true! After that, we start making conscious choices that can quickly become addictive. In like manner, we can choose healthy and pure options. It is hard, yes, but doable! Can you love yourself enough to commit to being free?
What are some ways you relate to this post? What is something you have learnt? Have you ever been addicted to pornography and masturbation and broken free? What helped you? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments.
And if you’re struggling with mental or sexual issues, you don’t have to suffer in silence; you can reach out to someone you trust to help you today! It is important you get help because addictions like these have driven many to eventually become rapists and child molesters. I am pretty sure that is not what you want for yourself. Selah!
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